soooo. lately ive felt a loss of energy. maybe i have aids. which would explain why i feel so dull everyday, i could die. maybe lifes become too much of a routine for me. like have you ever felt so relaxed that you could lie down and in that moment you could die and wouldn't care? im scared to death of death. but the scariest part is that its enivitable. what makes it even more scarier is that we dont know when it could happen. it could happen any second. right now. today. next week. next year. thirty years. within the next hour. its so easy to die too. you can die from an air bubble. one little bubble of air in your system and poof youre gone. forever. no more matt. nothing. carwrecks, wounds, accidents, murders, sickness, the list goes on and on. i feel as if one day ill trip, fall, crash my head into the pavement and lose all my blood. but i guess in all honesty, i think the real reason im scared is because i dont want to let go of heaven and hell. deep, i mean deep, down in my my brain im stuck on the christian theory of heaven and hell. ive done so much wrong. its too late to turn back. i cant turn back.and because of that, ill go to hell. forever. for eternity. and that's the absolute scariest part in my mind. but theres no way. im damned if i do and im damned if i dont. right? im probably just sick. maybe i have dibeties. im dehydrated, hungry, have a loss of energy. all symptoms of diabeties. great im gunna die. haha. im gunna die. maybe i should exercise. then maybe ill be hot. and some boy will want me. haha. i could die. which would explain why i feel so dull everyday, maybe i have aids. lately ive felt a loss of energy. soooo. and i'm leaving this all behind me. xanga has expired... so check my myspace out. | 
